Helplessly dependent in the beginnings,
Hopelessly dependent at the end,
An illusion of independence in between,
And oh, the vanity!!
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Lost in the din
warning; this post may contain material that is labelled in popular wisdom as parochial, backward, stagnant, frozen in time, unfashionable, not at all coool, and politically incorrect.
The Rizwanur case is a tragic one. The truth needs to be dug out and justice done. No questions about that.
But the matter has brought to fore other issues. Statements made by all and sundry exalting this union of love and everyone adding a coat of black to the father's image.
A very common argument aired especially by the media, and a very dangerous one; 'well, they are adults,. If they are old enough to vote they sure are capable of making their own choice to booze, dope, marry who they choose to, sleep in------ whatever.' The fallacy in the argument is that her vote does not individually determine the fate of the nation. Our major objection in the case is to her being the 'sole' decision taker. Also, if the wrong govt. / person is brought to
power, there is a way out subsequently. In case of a wrong marriage, technically though the option to quit exists, it is not in the best of interests of the parties concerned.
'It is her life, why do the parents interfere?--- so you can trust the media, the government, the politicians, but can't trust the parents!
when is one old enough, mature enough to shape her life, her destiny? Does age, education or job make her ready to take on the responsibility? None of the above accord any guarantee. The person who is emotionally involved is not likely to see reason.
The girl in this case is 23, educated and what a choice! She must never have stepped out without a car, the fellow's monthly salary won't equal her day's pocket money and she says she would be happy with him! Girls who make so much of a fuss to choose a dress or lipstick choose life partners this way! If love is so blind, it sure needs some leading by the ear. Worse still the boy is supposed to be 30, and has seen the seamy side of life . Should he not have asked himself if he was, in any way, a match for her? Whether it was feasible, desirable? If he really cared for her, wld. he have dragged her from riches to rags? I find it difficult to buy the love angle. To me it appears more like a well planned strategy to attain instant riches. He is not in his early 20s to be so innocently foolish. And to hear people call him a martyr who died for a cause!!
I know of a graduate Tr., a very respected, no nonsense type jealously guarding her rights and her place, a very intellectual and literary type (it was a treat to listen to her critiquing the latest Marathi plays), getting involved with a rickshaw driver and ruining her life for good. He was already married, had children, was too lazy to work, needed money to drink and had zeroed in on her for a regular source of income! The last we heard of her was (she had taken a posting) she lived in utter poverty , misery and terror, the fellow tortured her, stood at the school gate on salary days to collect the money, no one dared befriend her or help her bec. he was a rogue and they were scared. She was trapped and there was no getting out. She lived in mortal fear.That is just an example. One is never too old, educated or big for a bit of sane advice.
But this post is mainly about the role of parents. The parents who make sacrifices of the highest order (read some of the blogs of young mothers and you'll see what goes into parenting), give up their chosen careers, education, health, recreation, personal choices --to give their progeny the best; families that keep relatives and friends out because their children are preparing for board exams; parents who give up promotions, decide to live apart so that the child's education may not be disturbed; shift residences leaving their security zone to suit the child's needs; sell their house, jewellery to provide for the child--- these same parents are suddenly made out to be outsiders, INTERFERING in the girl's/ boy's life!
Two consenting adults-----what business have parents----- bah! what do you think parents are? villains? who do you think cares most for the child? It is alright for the politicians to make high sounding noises and use the opportunity to score over their political rivals; for the media to rush in to improve TRP and project itself as the crusader for causes; for the NGO's to register their presence; but when all the clamour dies down, all the mileage squeezed out, when every one turns his attention to the next sensation, -- who remain?--- the parents, scarred for ever, dead in the soul, bleeding from the core.
Who do you think are the most affected in cases like models Gitanjali or Padma -- it is the parents who had lived a very honourable life and done nothing to deserve this ignominy.
Parenting in the present times is already a daunting task and many are opting out of it. Please don't add to the complications by sending out the message loud and clear that once they are 18, they answer no one, that they owe nothing to the family.
If law accords the children a claim to the ancestral property and parents can't deny it to them, by the same logic, does it not require the child to be a custodian of the ancestral culture? a duty to preserve and pass on the family tradition? When the son/ daughter gets a share of the parental wealth, he / she also has a legal binding to take care of the parents.
And in most cases the parents are not asking for your financial or even your physical support. They try to be independent and let you spread wings if you so wish to. All they ask is that you do not dump down the drain their labour of generations in your recklessness, that you don't downright discard the values they hold so dear.
They are not demanding a status quo, are aware of changing times, but the change should be gradual, for the better and without compromising the basic value system. It is not for each one to decide what is weed and what is crop and indiscriminately pluck and throw to suit your convenience!
Shah Rukh Khan once said in an interview that earlier when someone had commented about his smoking and asked if he wld be o.k. if his son smoked, he had said it wld. be perfectly o.k. and as an individual he wld. be free to make his choice. But years later, after he actually had a son , he said he wld. not want his son to smoke and wld. like to stop him from doing so! This is a classic example! we have to wait for unimaginative people to learn their lessons and already a lot of damage gets done by then.
When the family has all along been taking into consideration the children's likes and welfare in making every decision from the most trivial to the most crucial, should not the children keep in mind the family's reputation, likes, conveniences to some extent when they take major, life altering decisions?
Please do not say religion, caste are not important. They are very important in the personal sphere and they define a person to a great extent. They give a sense of continuity and immortality, the strength that deep roots provide. The objection could only be to letting it interfere in our public life. And marriage is a very personal matter.
what do you expect parents to do when the apple of their eyes, the meaning to their existence takes a ridiculous decision about his/ her marriage? Like when an 18 yr. old daughter of a business empire in all her adult wisdom chooses to marry a 40 yr. old slum dweller of another religion? In the Rizwanur case, the parents must have tried every other means before being driven to take extreme measures (if they did, that is). Just trying to show how helpless the parents' position becomes. Easy for an outsider to say 'let go'.
If you are so enamoured of the right to choice, we'll invoke His choicest blessings on you that your son/ daughter may on his 18th birthday 'choose' to (I am not saying 'run away', that is not said) marry or live in (that is even more the 'in' thing) the most unsuitable being possible. In the meanwhile please let us old fashioned fools bring up our children in our old fashioned ways, with a fear of God, a sense of right , and a dash of conscience.
You bother me by making the aberrations seem the normal, the exceptions--the rule. pre marital sex? 'of course, why not? everybody does it',( yea, they know it all); extra marital relationships? 'go ahead, you are consenting adults'-- and what's more, they would be within the limits of law in most cases! Don't repeat the cliche, 'This is the land of the kamasutra', our ancestors knew better about what, where, how much- not strewn all over in the most distasteful ways what was done discretely. Please let us live in our conventional world where some things are definitely white and some black- a totally grey world is a messy nightmare!
The Rizwanur case is a tragic one. The truth needs to be dug out and justice done. No questions about that.
But the matter has brought to fore other issues. Statements made by all and sundry exalting this union of love and everyone adding a coat of black to the father's image.
A very common argument aired especially by the media, and a very dangerous one; 'well, they are adults,. If they are old enough to vote they sure are capable of making their own choice to booze, dope, marry who they choose to, sleep in------ whatever.' The fallacy in the argument is that her vote does not individually determine the fate of the nation. Our major objection in the case is to her being the 'sole' decision taker. Also, if the wrong govt. / person is brought to
power, there is a way out subsequently. In case of a wrong marriage, technically though the option to quit exists, it is not in the best of interests of the parties concerned.
'It is her life, why do the parents interfere?--- so you can trust the media, the government, the politicians, but can't trust the parents!
when is one old enough, mature enough to shape her life, her destiny? Does age, education or job make her ready to take on the responsibility? None of the above accord any guarantee. The person who is emotionally involved is not likely to see reason.
The girl in this case is 23, educated and what a choice! She must never have stepped out without a car, the fellow's monthly salary won't equal her day's pocket money and she says she would be happy with him! Girls who make so much of a fuss to choose a dress or lipstick choose life partners this way! If love is so blind, it sure needs some leading by the ear. Worse still the boy is supposed to be 30, and has seen the seamy side of life . Should he not have asked himself if he was, in any way, a match for her? Whether it was feasible, desirable? If he really cared for her, wld. he have dragged her from riches to rags? I find it difficult to buy the love angle. To me it appears more like a well planned strategy to attain instant riches. He is not in his early 20s to be so innocently foolish. And to hear people call him a martyr who died for a cause!!
I know of a graduate Tr., a very respected, no nonsense type jealously guarding her rights and her place, a very intellectual and literary type (it was a treat to listen to her critiquing the latest Marathi plays), getting involved with a rickshaw driver and ruining her life for good. He was already married, had children, was too lazy to work, needed money to drink and had zeroed in on her for a regular source of income! The last we heard of her was (she had taken a posting) she lived in utter poverty , misery and terror, the fellow tortured her, stood at the school gate on salary days to collect the money, no one dared befriend her or help her bec. he was a rogue and they were scared. She was trapped and there was no getting out. She lived in mortal fear.That is just an example. One is never too old, educated or big for a bit of sane advice.
But this post is mainly about the role of parents. The parents who make sacrifices of the highest order (read some of the blogs of young mothers and you'll see what goes into parenting), give up their chosen careers, education, health, recreation, personal choices --to give their progeny the best; families that keep relatives and friends out because their children are preparing for board exams; parents who give up promotions, decide to live apart so that the child's education may not be disturbed; shift residences leaving their security zone to suit the child's needs; sell their house, jewellery to provide for the child--- these same parents are suddenly made out to be outsiders, INTERFERING in the girl's/ boy's life!
Two consenting adults-----what business have parents----- bah! what do you think parents are? villains? who do you think cares most for the child? It is alright for the politicians to make high sounding noises and use the opportunity to score over their political rivals; for the media to rush in to improve TRP and project itself as the crusader for causes; for the NGO's to register their presence; but when all the clamour dies down, all the mileage squeezed out, when every one turns his attention to the next sensation, -- who remain?--- the parents, scarred for ever, dead in the soul, bleeding from the core.
Who do you think are the most affected in cases like models Gitanjali or Padma -- it is the parents who had lived a very honourable life and done nothing to deserve this ignominy.
Parenting in the present times is already a daunting task and many are opting out of it. Please don't add to the complications by sending out the message loud and clear that once they are 18, they answer no one, that they owe nothing to the family.
If law accords the children a claim to the ancestral property and parents can't deny it to them, by the same logic, does it not require the child to be a custodian of the ancestral culture? a duty to preserve and pass on the family tradition? When the son/ daughter gets a share of the parental wealth, he / she also has a legal binding to take care of the parents.
And in most cases the parents are not asking for your financial or even your physical support. They try to be independent and let you spread wings if you so wish to. All they ask is that you do not dump down the drain their labour of generations in your recklessness, that you don't downright discard the values they hold so dear.
They are not demanding a status quo, are aware of changing times, but the change should be gradual, for the better and without compromising the basic value system. It is not for each one to decide what is weed and what is crop and indiscriminately pluck and throw to suit your convenience!
Shah Rukh Khan once said in an interview that earlier when someone had commented about his smoking and asked if he wld be o.k. if his son smoked, he had said it wld. be perfectly o.k. and as an individual he wld. be free to make his choice. But years later, after he actually had a son , he said he wld. not want his son to smoke and wld. like to stop him from doing so! This is a classic example! we have to wait for unimaginative people to learn their lessons and already a lot of damage gets done by then.
When the family has all along been taking into consideration the children's likes and welfare in making every decision from the most trivial to the most crucial, should not the children keep in mind the family's reputation, likes, conveniences to some extent when they take major, life altering decisions?
Please do not say religion, caste are not important. They are very important in the personal sphere and they define a person to a great extent. They give a sense of continuity and immortality, the strength that deep roots provide. The objection could only be to letting it interfere in our public life. And marriage is a very personal matter.
what do you expect parents to do when the apple of their eyes, the meaning to their existence takes a ridiculous decision about his/ her marriage? Like when an 18 yr. old daughter of a business empire in all her adult wisdom chooses to marry a 40 yr. old slum dweller of another religion? In the Rizwanur case, the parents must have tried every other means before being driven to take extreme measures (if they did, that is). Just trying to show how helpless the parents' position becomes. Easy for an outsider to say 'let go'.
If you are so enamoured of the right to choice, we'll invoke His choicest blessings on you that your son/ daughter may on his 18th birthday 'choose' to (I am not saying 'run away', that is not said) marry or live in (that is even more the 'in' thing) the most unsuitable being possible. In the meanwhile please let us old fashioned fools bring up our children in our old fashioned ways, with a fear of God, a sense of right , and a dash of conscience.
You bother me by making the aberrations seem the normal, the exceptions--the rule. pre marital sex? 'of course, why not? everybody does it',( yea, they know it all); extra marital relationships? 'go ahead, you are consenting adults'-- and what's more, they would be within the limits of law in most cases! Don't repeat the cliche, 'This is the land of the kamasutra', our ancestors knew better about what, where, how much- not strewn all over in the most distasteful ways what was done discretely. Please let us live in our conventional world where some things are definitely white and some black- a totally grey world is a messy nightmare!
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Ssstretched Toooo Faaaaar
Taking up a line of thought that occurred in connection with an earlier post.
The analogy between religion and medicine; gods and doctors.
* in both, 'normal situations , normal actions.'
-daily prayers, rituals woven into your daily routine;
-a healthy lifestyle, nutritious and timely food, good hygiene, good sleep...
In these, the parents, the family can have maximum influence.set the tone, set patterns that may last a lifetime.
* regular maintenance, upkeep, renewal,
-pujas, visits to temples etc.
-periodic check ups, preventive care
*what if I am healthy, don't need a God / doctor?
- familiarisation with God/ Dr. in peacetime helps when faced with sudden problems. You have a Dr. to go to and the Dr is already familiar with your systems, allergies, blood group, the depth of your pockets; can help you better in an emergency.
-easy to turn to God in times of crises..,if you are already in the habit.
* You have family gods, you have family Drs; you grow up with them, share a great comfort level. More of a personal than a professional relationship. fee-minimal, no fancy procedures, no appointments, no long queues.
*specialization and super specialization exist in both. Specialists Gods for your particular needs, specialist Drs. for yr. ailments. you spend a lot of time and money for a glimpse of these specialists
* over specialization in either becomes the butt of many a joke.
-like a visa Ganapathi. a cricket Ganapathi; (heard of them?)
- a different Dr for the right/ left eye.
*excess in both- more harm than good; obsession with religion, obsession with health.
* people shun you if wear either on your sleeve; if you flaunt your religion or your medical history.
* Both disciplines have more to do with the mind than they may be ready to acknowledge. most ailments psychological, many religious experiences, imagined. Faith plays a major role. Expts. with simple vitamin tablets given as strong medication have worked; similarly nonsense syllables passed on as mantra have been found to do their part.
*That makes both these fields a rich hunting ground for impostors; beware of poli samiyars and quacks!
*The dispensers of (hope / medicine as the case is ) do not bluntly tell their clients when the case is hopeless; that his problem has no solution or that he is on way up.; mercifully let them enjoy the bliss of ignorance.
*The need for both in direct proportion to your age!
*both generally spurned in good times, besought in desperate hours.
*Alternative systems available in both. Although you are well advised to follow your own, (it evolved in your climes, caters to your particular needs) it would be foolish not to learn from the others, not to incorporate what you can to your advantage. In both cases a healthy respect for the other systems would help solve most problems on earth!
should stop stretching before it snaps!
The analogy between religion and medicine; gods and doctors.
* in both, 'normal situations , normal actions.'
-daily prayers, rituals woven into your daily routine;
-a healthy lifestyle, nutritious and timely food, good hygiene, good sleep...
In these, the parents, the family can have maximum influence.set the tone, set patterns that may last a lifetime.
* regular maintenance, upkeep, renewal,
-pujas, visits to temples etc.
-periodic check ups, preventive care
*what if I am healthy, don't need a God / doctor?
- familiarisation with God/ Dr. in peacetime helps when faced with sudden problems. You have a Dr. to go to and the Dr is already familiar with your systems, allergies, blood group, the depth of your pockets; can help you better in an emergency.
-easy to turn to God in times of crises..,if you are already in the habit.
* You have family gods, you have family Drs; you grow up with them, share a great comfort level. More of a personal than a professional relationship. fee-minimal, no fancy procedures, no appointments, no long queues.
*specialization and super specialization exist in both. Specialists Gods for your particular needs, specialist Drs. for yr. ailments. you spend a lot of time and money for a glimpse of these specialists
* over specialization in either becomes the butt of many a joke.
-like a visa Ganapathi. a cricket Ganapathi; (heard of them?)
- a different Dr for the right/ left eye.
*excess in both- more harm than good; obsession with religion, obsession with health.
* people shun you if wear either on your sleeve; if you flaunt your religion or your medical history.
* Both disciplines have more to do with the mind than they may be ready to acknowledge. most ailments psychological, many religious experiences, imagined. Faith plays a major role. Expts. with simple vitamin tablets given as strong medication have worked; similarly nonsense syllables passed on as mantra have been found to do their part.
*That makes both these fields a rich hunting ground for impostors; beware of poli samiyars and quacks!
*The dispensers of (hope / medicine as the case is ) do not bluntly tell their clients when the case is hopeless; that his problem has no solution or that he is on way up.; mercifully let them enjoy the bliss of ignorance.
*The need for both in direct proportion to your age!
*both generally spurned in good times, besought in desperate hours.
*Alternative systems available in both. Although you are well advised to follow your own, (it evolved in your climes, caters to your particular needs) it would be foolish not to learn from the others, not to incorporate what you can to your advantage. In both cases a healthy respect for the other systems would help solve most problems on earth!
should stop stretching before it snaps!
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
The theory of origin (of this blog)
The son calls up Mom and excitedly rattles away about--- well , anything. No response. 'Mummy, are you listening?' ' eh, Raju, you have a cold?'
I read Sundar's blogposts on various topics and say, 'ah, so he has an attack again, rather frequent, aren't they?'
As one who suffered no ends due to allergy attacks, and was fortunate to stumble upon a very simple but miraculous remedy, I wish to rush help. Hence I created this blog!
Believe it or not, all you do is -keep some sesame oil in your mouth for some 15 minutes and then spit and rinse off thoroughly- done.
Now, answers to the expected qs.
when-- preferably in the mornings, I do it first thing after brushing.
how much-- not too much , not too little, you will arrive at yr. optimum qty.
how long-- about 15 mins. again you can figure it out
till when-- the recommended period was at least 9 months to go through one round of every season. but I wld say 'why stop?' I started 3 yrs ago and am still on.
How does it work-- the root cause of most of our ailments is said to be oral and this strikes at the roots.
what does it cure-- it is claimed to be a panacea for most ills and I don't dispute the claim. It takes care of dental, respiratory, digestive problems, ulcer, joint pains, allergies-- never mind. Your body feels like a well oiled machine.
but I am allergic to sesame oil?--- so am I.But it didn't trouble me. sunflower oil is given as an alternative but to folks brought up on the 'kalyana gunangal' of sesame oil, equating it with sunflower oil wld. be sacrilege. If you are really scared, the option exists.
Take care not to swallow (by mistake) what you set out to get rid of.
If and when you take ill, follow your usual course of medication.
You can find details here.
The stumbling blocks
In my attempts at proselytizing the few I cared to, the harvest has been discouraging. reasons?
- It doesn't do much to one's ego. 'No, my problem is different you know, so many big doctors cldn't cure me.'
- the inability to understand that complex problems needn't always have complex solutions.
-'yuck, I can't have something messy in my mouth first thing in the morning. I don't like the smell, taste of oil, I have to have coffee first thing in the morning' etc, etc. I can only say you don't get the taste or smell, that pieces fall in place once you get started and that you are ready for coffee by the time coffee is ready for you!
- the earth will stop spinning if I don't speak for 15 minutes. Try and you will be surprised! and a bonus, you become a good mime artist and your family has some fun time.
- 'Yeah, I tried for a week, but----' heavy drop out rate.
To add some autobiographical authenticity, I had gone thro' a detailed allergy test and the subsequent process of immunization through the gradual introduction of the allergens. The glitch was you had to be in perfect health to receive the allergens and you had to receive the allergens to get perfect health! 'kalyanam aanaalthan paithiyam thelliyum, paithiyam thellinjalthan kalyanam aagum'. And what with every unsuspected food item, a whiff of dusty wind, a wardrobe cleaning session, a small wait at the traffic signal, a quick passing through a construction site -- anything waiting to pounce with an attack and the antibiotics biting dust one after another - it was a long drawn battle. In these last 3 yrs. now, my visits to the Dr. have been few and far between, the attacks scarce, very mild and easily beaten.
Now, the mission accomplished, 'piravipperum payan' being attained, (of the blog), I can go back to being myself, a bystander!
I read Sundar's blogposts on various topics and say, 'ah, so he has an attack again, rather frequent, aren't they?'
As one who suffered no ends due to allergy attacks, and was fortunate to stumble upon a very simple but miraculous remedy, I wish to rush help. Hence I created this blog!
Believe it or not, all you do is -keep some sesame oil in your mouth for some 15 minutes and then spit and rinse off thoroughly- done.
Now, answers to the expected qs.
when-- preferably in the mornings, I do it first thing after brushing.
how much-- not too much , not too little, you will arrive at yr. optimum qty.
how long-- about 15 mins. again you can figure it out
till when-- the recommended period was at least 9 months to go through one round of every season. but I wld say 'why stop?' I started 3 yrs ago and am still on.
How does it work-- the root cause of most of our ailments is said to be oral and this strikes at the roots.
what does it cure-- it is claimed to be a panacea for most ills and I don't dispute the claim. It takes care of dental, respiratory, digestive problems, ulcer, joint pains, allergies-- never mind. Your body feels like a well oiled machine.
but I am allergic to sesame oil?--- so am I.But it didn't trouble me. sunflower oil is given as an alternative but to folks brought up on the 'kalyana gunangal' of sesame oil, equating it with sunflower oil wld. be sacrilege. If you are really scared, the option exists.
Take care not to swallow (by mistake) what you set out to get rid of.
If and when you take ill, follow your usual course of medication.
You can find details here.
The stumbling blocks
In my attempts at proselytizing the few I cared to, the harvest has been discouraging. reasons?
- It doesn't do much to one's ego. 'No, my problem is different you know, so many big doctors cldn't cure me.'
- the inability to understand that complex problems needn't always have complex solutions.
-'yuck, I can't have something messy in my mouth first thing in the morning. I don't like the smell, taste of oil, I have to have coffee first thing in the morning' etc, etc. I can only say you don't get the taste or smell, that pieces fall in place once you get started and that you are ready for coffee by the time coffee is ready for you!
- the earth will stop spinning if I don't speak for 15 minutes. Try and you will be surprised! and a bonus, you become a good mime artist and your family has some fun time.
- 'Yeah, I tried for a week, but----' heavy drop out rate.
To add some autobiographical authenticity, I had gone thro' a detailed allergy test and the subsequent process of immunization through the gradual introduction of the allergens. The glitch was you had to be in perfect health to receive the allergens and you had to receive the allergens to get perfect health! 'kalyanam aanaalthan paithiyam thelliyum, paithiyam thellinjalthan kalyanam aagum'. And what with every unsuspected food item, a whiff of dusty wind, a wardrobe cleaning session, a small wait at the traffic signal, a quick passing through a construction site -- anything waiting to pounce with an attack and the antibiotics biting dust one after another - it was a long drawn battle. In these last 3 yrs. now, my visits to the Dr. have been few and far between, the attacks scarce, very mild and easily beaten.
Now, the mission accomplished, 'piravipperum payan' being attained, (of the blog), I can go back to being myself, a bystander!
Monday, September 24, 2007
God of small beings
A recurrent topic on several blogs, especially of young parents is-- God, religion, rituals.... shd. we pass on to our kids.. in what form, how much, when, how etc.
Here is a point of view.
Most bloggers seem to have no quarrels with god or religion as such. they wish to give their children a God.Here are some benefits of having one.
- lends more meaning and purpose to life- that you are not an accident or a mistake but the all knowing one has chosen to make you.
- keeps one level headed in the highs and lows that life presents.
- helps digest the inexplicables and the unavoidables.
- even if the faith is not periodically nourished (with rituals) and is left dormant, it rejuvenates itself to firefight in times of crises.(God forbid!) why not keep the firefighting equipments in ready state?
Let's call the faith in a creator, your bond to Him etc the abstract , the essence: the rituals, observances, celebrations, the overt manifestations -- the concrete. or the software and the hardware!
- the basic premise is the two are complementary, not inimical. It is not either or or more of one, less of the other.
- Like in all spheres we proceed from the concrete to the abstract, it is easy and effective to begin with a cheerful, child friendly God, a pot bellied, elephant trunked Ganesha, a Krishna , whatever form prevalent in the family: applauding the little one with a 'good girl' for what is right and 'no, good girls don't do that' when wrong. (I am thinking of Lakhmi's little V). 'Swami manasukkulla irrukku'... Lakshmi, you very well know 'manasu' is not a ready to use free gift that comes with the child at birth, but a structure built over the years with inputs from all around.
- why God? Someone somewhere had said, even if there was no God, it wld be wise to create one. True, faith in God cld easily be used as the pivotal pole around which to firmly string the various virtues we wish to teach, instead of being left loose to get blown away with the first wind.
- Once someone said to Gandhiji that he found it difficult to accept a meat eating Rama. (the Guhan episode) Gandhiji's answer was,'create your own Rama ' one who doesn't eat meat! You may not appreciate a God that gets blinded by fury and throws around curses only to repent and soften them later, Gods that are jealous, fight etc. Numerous stories have been spun around Gods through the ages by people with different aptitudes that may not match yours, to highlight some point. We needn't be bothered by those. We can customise our God!
- Faith in God alright, but why the paraphernalia?
- they are the floats you need to begin swimming with.
- the concrete to peg the abstract,
-the container that holds the perfume, without which it wld soon be gone. - happy childhood associations with God, the goodies, the new clothes, the happy get togethers, gifts, colors, music, rangolis, decorations--lead to a happy association with God.
- as the child grows and matures, the floats will be put aside, the ground wheels taken off, the rockets fired off in stages! Rest assure yr. child is smart, he will grow to know the chaff from the grain just as you did.
- Just bec. you have attained a phd. yr. child can't begin at that level. he has to start from the alphabets all over again. maybe your superior kn. will help him go up faster. bec. you have a 'manasukkulla swami', can't transport it. she has to begin from 'pullaiar ummachhi'.
- If you abstain from influencing yr. child, somebody else will-- and it may not be to yr. liking..nature abhors vacuum. (a common argument, 'let them grow up and make their own choices')
- Is it necessary to wear poonool, mangal sutra?-- follow what you can, when you can. why deride them. If we question each of the things we do in the course of the day, hardly anything will pass the test.
- what of people who are ritualistic but harbour vices--- the two don't share a cause- effect link. they are not vice bec. they follow rituals. may be they wld have been worse w/o them! anyway they are keeping the structure intact: the spirit may inhabit it someday.
And finally, forget all this. yr. influence is much smaller than what you think. expect the unexpected; if you are lucky, surprises, not shocks!
Some one wiser may take it further.
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